Your childhood shaped today and tomorrow

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Blog post – 29th January 2023

By Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling

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The unexamined life versus the frank autobiography

How to change your future by changing your past

Copyright (c) Jim Byrne, 2023

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Sex-love and gender wars1B, Front cover Sex-love book – I don’t suppose anybody knows for sure what Plato meant by his slogan: “The unexamined life is not worth living”.

But, in the modern world, the unexamined life equates to “not doing your therapy”.

How do I mean that?

Everybody is harmed to some extent in their family of origin; some more than others; but nobody escapes completely. And what most people do with their childhood harm is to cover it over with a layer of something sweet and superficially nice; a socially distorted PR job. A false self.

Mostly, people do this because doing one’s therapy hurts. It hurts like having a tooth out; and the costs and benefits are similar. If you have a decayed tooth out, it will hurt, having the injection; having the extraction; and when the anaesthetic wears off, the wound will hurt for a day or two. Blood clots may become visible on the tongue, and so on.

However, if you do not have the tooth out, it rots in your gum, and causes worse pain later on, including the possibility of brain damage, because of the proximity of the infection to the brain.

  1. The unexamined life; the downside…

Kindle coverThe unexamined life is just like that rotting tooth left in the gum. It rots away, causing low level problems for a long time, before it flares up into a much worse problem. Better to have it out (or filled) as soon as the problem becomes visible for the first time; and better to get into therapy as soon as you spot that something horrible happened to you in childhood, which you have never explored or digested.

  1. The frank autobiography, and the problem of getting hold of repressed memories…

You can do your therapy on your childhood in a face-to-face encounter with a helpful psychotherapist or counsellor; or you can do it yourself in a journal or notebook. If you decide to write it out, you can do it as autobiography; fictionalized autobiography; drama; poetry; or letters to your childhood carers which you never send. I did some of my therapy on my horrible childhood in the form of psychoanalysis, but I have also written a lot of it out in the form of fictionalized autobiography of my alter ego: Daniel O’Beeve.***

  1. Hack writing versus principled writing…

If you decide to write your autobiography, and to publish it, then up comes defence mechanisms. Will people dislike me for this? Will I look good or bad? How can I sanitize my public appearance? How can I distort the story in order to look like a hero instead of a victim of circumstances?

Considerations of those kinds can lead you to abandon principled writing, and to substitute hack writing. Hack writers get well paid for producing rubbish and garbage and pulp fiction. They add nothing to the world, except more junk. Principled writers add some value to the human condition. They liberate or ennoble or rescue; or encourage the growth of hope, compassion, charity, love. They strive to contribute to the creation of a better world, by exposing the underbelly of our current forms of life.

  1. The determination to keep going…

Road to better lifeHack writers are beloved of the publishing industry. Principled writers are unpopular with vested interests. They are a nuisance to the forces of political expediency. They undermine the evil side of human nature.

  1. The courage to face the unadorned truth…

And principled writing, including writing autobiography or fictionalized autobiography about a difficult childhood takes a lot of courage. Fortitude. To look ugliness and pain in the face is not an easy task.

  1. The importance of leavening of the text…

But principled writers do not unnecessarily strain or drain their readers. They strive to sustain the flame of hope in the darkest caves that they explore. The work with the principle of leavening their texts. Of finding the moments of humour among the images of pain and suffering.

And the therapy of principled writing heals. Old wounds dry out, and begin to heal; leaving small but almost invisible scars as medals of honour. And the writer is stronger in the broken parts that have been honoured in their texts.

This is what I strove to do in *Daniel’s Disconnected Heart*.

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And that is what I am now working on in

*The Sex-Love Question and the Gender Wars*.

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Daniel for cover - 001Whatever wounds you have, hidden in your childhood history, I do hope you will try to dress them; process them; and heal them. And one way to do that is to practice principled writing about them, whether as private autobiographical writing, or published fictionalized autobiography.

“The unexamined life is not worth living”.

And travelling incognito is not nearly as exciting and enjoyable as telling the world who you are, and where you have been!

With my very best wishes for your happiness and healing.

Jim

Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling

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The Body-Mind Connection in Psychodynamic Therapy Explained

Blog post: 4th December 2019

Updated on 23rd April 2021

Updated again on 27th February and 1st March 2025

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Counselling and psychotherapy theories (1):

Psychodynamic theory – (Sigmund Freud and the post-Freudians)

By Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling

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Introduction

Freud-on-dreamsMost counsellors have their basic training in a single system of theory and practice – (a single ‘school of thought) – perhaps augmented by a brief look at one ‘alternative’ system, for comparison purposes.  This is an impoverished approach to counselling theory and practice, which has been pioneered by the universities, and the professional bodies that accredit counsellors and therapists.  It is driven by the need for ‘neatness’, whereas the reality of the human mind, human suffering, and psychological processes is anything but neat.

I was fortunate to train in more than 13 different systems of counselling and therapy, and I have mixed and matched elements of them all for years, eventually resulting in a unique system of my own.

The psychoanalytic approach

The first system that I experienced, at the age of 22 years, was psychoanalysis.  I had been through a very stressful period of social exclusion, and needed help to sort myself out.  I saw a psychoanalyst weekly for three months; combined with other systems, such as art therapy, music therapy, group therapy, relaxation therapy; and some others.

Because of my immaturity at the time, I did not benefit greatly from psychoanalysis (in so far as I can consciously recall!)

Years later I reviewed the psychoanalytic literature and realized that most of the information I needed at the time was there, contained in Freudian theory, if only my analyst had been able to communicate it to me.

Metal Dog - Autobiogprahical story by Jim Byrne

I had come from a family which was economically and culturally deprived. I (like all humans) was born as an ‘it’ (or ‘thing’), which was wired up with two basic instincts: the life or constructive instinct and the death or destructive urge. My mother (who was the first element of my ‘super-ego’, or Over-I [or Inner Policewoman!]) was the most important influence on the way my mind (or ‘ego’ [or ‘self’]) was shaped; and she was far from being ‘good enough’ as a caring mother.  So I developed an insecure attachment style. (This latter point – about my attachment style – does not come from Freud or the Freudians, or even the neo-Freudians.  It comes from Dr John Bowlby, who was castigated for deviationism, and ostracized by the British Object Relations School of psychoanalysts, which was the neo-/post-Freudian tradition that took root after the Second World War.  Bowlby believed that the child’s actual experience shaped him or her; while the Freudians of every stripe believed the child was upset by his/her interpretations (or phantasies) of what his/her parents did: [and this belief was carried on my Albert Ellis and Rational Therapy! Hi ho!]).  Of course, more recently, starting in 1994, the psychodynamic approach has begun to incorporate Attachment theory into it’s therapy, under the influence of Dr Allan Schore (1994), who spent ten years trying to integrate neuroscience, developmental psychology, Attachment theory and psychoanalysis (plus several other disciplines) into a comprehensive therapy system – because the psychodynamic approach to psychotherapy had fallen out of favour, post-CBT, because it was seen as being unscientific.  Allan Schore and others have certainly put psychoanalysis back on the map! (At a time when people are beginning to see through the pseudo-science of CBT/REBT). (See further description/ explanation here: https://ecent-institute.org

Today I was musing about this development – about which I have a lot of positive feelings/ thoughts/ perceptions, and it occurred to me that Allan Schore’s [and Daniel Siegel’s) agenda may well have been simply this:

What do we need to do to outdo CBT, and to restore faith in psychoanalysis? 

The obvious answers, which they both seem to have alighted upon, was to incorporate a couple of systems of verified theory into psychoanalysis, and thus to save psychoanalysis from the dustbins of history. The systems that were ‘selected’ [or which fitted the bill] were neuroscience and Attachment theory.

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The Transformation of Psychoanalysis by Dr. Allan Schore’s Affect Regulation Theory 

Revolutionizing the Understanding of Emotions and Development 

The field of psychoanalysis has undergone significant transformation due to the groundbreaking work of Dr. Allan Schore, particularly through his development of Affect Regulation Theory. Schore’s theory has provided profound insights into the role of emotions in human development, mental health, and therapeutic practices.

Introduction to Affect Regulation Theory 

Dr. Allan Schore, a prominent figure in the field of Neuropsychoanalytic, introduced Affect Regulation Theory as a framework to understand how emotions are regulated within the brain. His work emphasizes the importance of early emotional experiences and their impact on brain development, personality, and behaviour. Schore’s integration of neuroscience and psychoanalysis has bridged a critical gap, leading to a more comprehensive understanding of the human psyche.

The Foundations of Affect Regulation Theory 

Affect Regulation Theory posits that the regulation of emotions is a fundamental aspect of psychological development. Schore’s research focuses on the interactions between caregivers and infants, highlighting how these early relationships shape the brain’s emotional regulatory systems. Through affective communication, caregivers help infants learn to manage their emotional states, which in turn influences their capacity for self-regulation throughout life.

Neuroscientific Contributions 

One of the key contributions of Schore’s work is the integration of neuroscience into psychoanalytic theory. By utilizing advances in brain imaging and neurobiology, Schore has demonstrated how the right hemisphere of the brain, which is dominant in processing emotions, is crucial for affect regulation. His research shows that disruptions in early attachment relationships can lead to dysregulation of these neural systems, contributing to various psychological disorders.

Impact on Psychoanalytic Practice 

Schore’s Affect Regulation Theory has significantly influenced psychoanalytic practice by shifting the focus towards the importance of early relational experiences and their neurobiological underpinnings. This shift has led to several key changes in therapeutic approaches:

Emphasis on Attachment and Relational Dynamics 

Therapists now place greater emphasis on understanding patients’ early attachment experiences and how these have shaped their emotional regulatory systems. By exploring these dynamics, therapists can help patients develop healthier ways of managing their emotions and relationships.

Integration of Neuroscientific Insights 

Schore’s work has encouraged psychoanalysts to incorporate neuroscientific findings into their practice. This integration provides a deeper understanding of the biological basis of emotional regulation and its impact on mental health, leading to more effective therapeutic interventions.

Focus on Affect Regulation in Therapy 

Therapeutic approaches have increasingly focused on helping patients improve their affect regulation abilities. Techniques such as mindfulness, self-soothing strategies, and emotion-focused interventions are now commonly used to enhance patients’ capacity to manage their emotions.

Broader Implications for Mental Health 

Beyond psychoanalysis, Schore’s Affect Regulation Theory has had broader implications for the understanding and treatment of mental health disorders. His work has influenced various disciplines, including developmental psychology, psychiatry, and social work.

Understanding Developmental Trajectories 

Schore’s theory has provided valuable insights into the developmental trajectories of individuals with emotional dysregulation. By recognizing the long-term impact of early relational experiences, mental health professionals can better identify risk factors and implement preventive measures.

Informing Treatment of Psychological Disorders 

Affect Regulation Theory has informed the treatment of a wide range of psychological disorders, including anxiety, depression, and personality disorders. By addressing the underlying issues related to affect regulation, therapists can develop more targeted and effective treatment plans.

Conclusion 

Dr. Allan Schore’s Affect Regulation Theory has revolutionized psychoanalysis by highlighting the critical role of early emotional experiences and their neurobiological foundations. His work has led to significant changes in therapeutic practices, emphasizing the importance of attachment, relational dynamics, and affect regulation. The integration of neuroscience into psychoanalytic theory has provided a more comprehensive understanding of the human psyche, ultimately improving mental health outcomes for countless individuals. The transformative impact of Schore’s work continues to shape the future of psychoanalysis and mental health treatment, offering new pathways for understanding and healing the complexities of the human mind.

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Postscript: But Schore overlooked many aspects of “the body”!

But in the process, Schore and Siegal, both missed the opportunity to go back to square one, like Bessel van der Kolk, and to ‘follow the body’ through the early years of child development – to discover that ‘the body keeps the score’, and thus that psychoanalysis is not the overall ‘Russian doll’ inside of which others systems should be subsumed.  Rather, psychoanalysis [of some revised sort] should be subsumed inside of a system which takes the social-emotional-body of the counselling/ therapy client as the super-ordinate Russian doll of counselling and psychotherapy!

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The Influence of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk on Psychodynamic Therapy

Transforming Our Understanding of Trauma and Healing

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned psychiatrist and author of the seminal book “The Body Keeps the Score,” has significantly influenced the field of psychodynamic therapy through his groundbreaking work on trauma and its effects on the human body and mind. His research and clinical insights have not only deepened our understanding of trauma but also transformed therapeutic approaches, underscoring the importance of integrating body and mind in the healing process.

Understanding Trauma Through a New Lens

Dr. van der Kolk’s work has profoundly shifted the perception of trauma within psychodynamic therapy. Traditionally, psychodynamic therapy emphasized the exploration of unconscious processes, early experiences, and interpersonal relationships to understand and address psychological issues. However, Dr. van der Kolk’s research highlighted the need to consider the physiological and neurological impacts of trauma, thus advocating for a more holistic approach.

The Concept of “The Body Keeps the Score”

One of the most influential contributions of Dr. van der Kolk is the concept that “the body keeps the score.” This idea posits that traumatic experiences are not just stored as memories in the mind but are also embedded in the body’s physiological responses. Traumatic events can lead to changes in brain function, stress hormone regulation, and the nervous system, which manifest in physical symptoms and behavioral patterns.

By emphasizing the body-mind connection, Dr. van der Kolk has urged psychodynamic therapists to incorporate somatic awareness and interventions into their practice. This approach recognizes that addressing trauma solely through talk therapy may not be sufficient for healing, as the body itself holds crucial information about the individual’s experiences and needs.

The Integration of Somatic Therapies

Dr. van der Kolk’s work has led to the integration of somatic therapies within psychodynamic frameworks. Techniques such as Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) have gained prominence as effective methods for treating trauma. These approaches focus on helping individuals become more attuned to their bodily sensations, release stored tension, and process traumatic memories in a way that promotes healing.

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy

Developed by Pat Ogden, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy combines principles of psychodynamic therapy with somatic techniques to address the physical and emotional effects of trauma. Dr. van der Kolk’s work has validated the importance of this approach, highlighting how incorporating body awareness can enhance the therapeutic process and lead to more comprehensive healing.

Somatic Experiencing

Somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine, focuses on releasing the physical tension and energy associated with trauma. Dr. van der Kolk’s research has shown that trauma can become trapped in the body, leading to chronic stress and other health issues. By addressing these physical manifestations, Somatic Experiencing helps individuals restore balance and resilience.

EMDR

EMDR is a therapeutic approach that uses bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, to help individuals process and integrate traumatic memories. Dr. van der Kolk’s endorsement of EMDR has contributed to its widespread acceptance and use in psychodynamic therapy. EMDR’s effectiveness in reducing the distress associated with trauma highlights the importance of incorporating neurobiological interventions into the therapeutic process.

Neurobiological Insights

Dr. van der Kolk’s work has also emphasized the importance of understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of trauma. His research has revealed how traumatic experiences can alter brain structures and functions, affecting areas such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. These changes can result in heightened anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and difficulties with memory and concentration.

By integrating neurobiological insights, psychodynamic therapists can better understand the complex ways in which trauma impacts their clients. This knowledge allows for more targeted and effective interventions, as therapists can address both the psychological and physiological aspects of trauma.

The Role of Attachment and Relationships

Dr. van der Kolk’s work has also underscored the importance of attachment and relationships in the healing process. He has highlighted how trauma can disrupt an individual’s ability to form healthy connections with others, leading to isolation and further psychological distress. By recognizing the significance of secure attachment and supportive relationships, psychodynamic therapists can help clients rebuild trust and foster meaningful connections.

Restoring a Sense of Safety

One of the key aspects of Dr. van der Kolk’s approach is the emphasis on restoring a sense of safety for trauma survivors. He advocates for creating a therapeutic environment where clients feel understood, validated, and supported. This safe space allows individuals to explore their traumatic experiences without fear of judgment, facilitating the healing process.

Enhancing Emotional Regulation

Trauma often disrupts an individual’s ability to regulate their emotions, leading to intense and overwhelming feelings. Dr. van der Kolk’s work has highlighted the importance of helping clients develop skills for emotional regulation. Techniques such as mindfulness, grounding exercises, and body-based interventions can assist individuals in managing their emotions more effectively.

Building Resilience and Empowerment

Dr. van der Kolk’s contributions to psychodynamic therapy extend beyond the treatment of trauma. His work has also emphasized the importance of building resilience and empowerment in clients. By addressing the impact of trauma on the body and mind, therapists can help individuals regain a sense of control and agency in their lives.

Fostering Self-Compassion

Dr. van der Kolk stresses the importance of self-compassion in the healing process. Trauma survivors often struggle with feelings of shame and self-blame. By fostering self-compassion, therapists can help clients develop a more compassionate and forgiving relationship with themselves, promoting healing and growth.

Encouraging Post-Traumatic Growth

Dr. van der Kolk’s work also acknowledges the potential for post-traumatic growth—the positive changes that can arise from the struggle with trauma. By helping clients recognize their strengths and resilience, therapists can support them in finding meaning and purpose in their experiences.

Conclusion

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s contributions to the field of psychodynamic therapy have been transformative. His emphasis on the body-mind connection, the integration of somatic therapies, and the importance of neurobiological insights have expanded our understanding of trauma and its treatment. By highlighting the significance of attachment, emotional regulation, and resilience, Dr. van der Kolk has provided a comprehensive framework for addressing trauma and promoting healing. His work continues to inspire and guide psychodynamic therapists in their efforts to support trauma survivors on their journey toward recovery and growth.

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Back to Jim’s story

I ended up in therapy, at the age of 22 years, because my life was subjected to cruel treatment by somebody acting from their death-urge (or destruction-urge) ! I was not strong enough to withstand their destructive influence, because…

  • I had been weakened by my family of origin (which denied me the right to be self-protectively angry!)
  • and my ‘outsider’ status during my school days.
  • And I was malnourished, so therefore physically/psychologically weak; and my gut bacteria was imbalanced because of antibiotics given during three surgeries in the first six years of my life.

But after therapy, I was strongest at the ‘broken point’!  (See Metal Dog – Long Road Home! which is my fictionalized autobiography.

Freud, Ellis and Plato

Front cover3 of reissued REBT bookSomewhere in the period 2007-2009, I made good use of Freud’s theory of the three mental agencies – the It (or baby before socialization); the Ego (or emergent personality [or ‘self’] after [some] socialization); and the Super-ego (which is the internalized mother/other; internalized through socialization processes). I used this model to evaluate the components of the ABC model from Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT); and this helped me to justify rejecting the simple ABC model; and to produce a more complex ABC model.  (See my book, A Major Critique of REBT.***)

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And later I used it as a comparator for evaluating Plato’s model of the Charioteer and the Two Horses. This occurred in my book on models of mind for counsellors:

Title: A counsellor reflects upon models of mind

Integrating the psychological models of Plato, Freud, Berne and Ellis

Every counsellor needs to think long and hard about their perceptions of their clients.  Are they based on ‘common sense’, or have they been subjected to the discipline of considering the theories of great minds that preceded us, like Plato, Freud, Berne and Ellis. (Ellis, of course, oversimplified the SOR model of mind into the simple ABC model, but he is still important because of his impact on the whole CBT theory, which currently dominates the field of counselling and therapy in the US, UK and elsewhere).

Paperback and eBook versions available

Learn more.***

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And the Freudian model of mind also helped in the development of another of my books, which is this one:

The Emergent Social Individual:

Or how social experience shapes the human body-brain-mind

Kindle Cover1By Dr Jim Byrne

Copyright © Jim Byrne, 2009-2019

The E-CENT perspective sees the relationship of mother-baby as a dialectical (or interactional) one of mutual influence, in which the baby is ‘colonized’ by the mother/carer, and enrolled over time into the mother/carer’s culture, including language and beliefs, scripts, stories, etc.  This dialectic is one between the innate urges of the baby and the cultural and innate and culturally shaped behaviours of the mother.  The overlap between mother and baby gives rise to the ‘ego space’ in which the identity and habits of the baby take shape.  And in that ego space, a self-identity appears as an emergent phenomenon, based on our felt sense of being a body (the core self) and also on our conscious and non-conscious stories about who we are and where we have been, who has related to us, and how: (the autobiographical self).

Learn more about this book.***

E-Book version only available at the moment.***

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Today, the Freudian approach has become less significant, especially since Allan Schore developed his ‘affect regulation theory’; and Daniel Siegel developed ‘interpersonal neurobiology’ (IPNB).  And also since I (with the help of Renata Taylor-Byrne) developed Emotive-Cognitive Embodied Narrative Therapy (E-CENT). Please see my two introductory books on E-CENT here:

Holistic Counselling in Practice.***

Lifestyle Counselling and Coaching for the Whole Person.***

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Postscript

So, Allan Schore and Daniel Siegel have failed to notice the primary importance of the body, and thus of everything that affects the body for good or ill; including diet/ nutrition; sleep; physical exercise; tension/ relaxation; and so on.

That role fell to me and my wife and professional partner, Renata Taylor-Byrne. We have done a lot of work on integrating diet, exercise and sleep into talk therapy. See the following sources:

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Front cover, Lifestyle Counselling, 2020Lifestyle Counselling and Coaching for the Whole Person:

Or how to integrate nutritional insights, exercise and sleep coaching into talk therapy.

By Dr Jim Byrne, with Renata Taylor-Byrne

Because diet, exercise and sleep are increasingly seen to be important determinants of mental health and emotional well-being, it is now necessary to rethink our models of counselling and therapy. This book will show counsellors how to incorporate lifestyle coaching and counselling into their system of talk therapy.  It will also help self-help enthusiasts to take better care of their own mental and physical health, and emotional well-being.

Prices: from £4.26 GBP (Kindle) to £12.64 (paperback)

Paperback and eBook versions.

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Learn more.***

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You are what you eat (among other things). Feel better by eating better!

How to control Your anger, anxiety and depression: Using nutrition and physical activity

Front cover design 3Nutritional deficiencies lead to emotional disorders –and well as physical diseases. But this book’s focus is on the link to mental health and emotional wellbeing.

This book will teach you about the links and how to avoid the negative effects.

The authors also present detailed guidance about how to change your eating and exercising habits, successfully, and without a lot of pain. Change your diet and exercise approach, and watch the negative emotions drop out of your life…

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How to Stop Wrecking Your Mental, Physical and Emotional Health:

Sleep & Health book, Front coverAnswers from the science of sleep

By Renata Taylor-Byrne

This book addresses many important questions about sleep, including the following:

Why should we be concerned about the quantity of hours slept? (Including the physical and mental diseases linked to inadequate sleep).

Why should we be committed to getting high quality, undisturbed sleep? (The physical and mental health benefits).

What causes common sleep problems? And:

How to fix common sleep problems, like insomnia. (This includes looking at foods that promote sleep; and foods that destroy sleep. Plus how to manage your lifestyle in general to promote healthy sleep – which, in turn, gives you a healthy life. And also how to manage your mind, and your sleep environment, to reap the great rewards of regular, nourishing and regenerating sleep experiences).

…For more information about this book, please click this link: Sleep science and your health.***

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Postscript 2:

If you want to develop your own rich and flexible model of counselling and therapy, it’s a good idea to study most of the mainstream systems and theories, as sources of creative inspiration for yourself. But don’t forget that the human body is an emotional entity from birth; and the emotional-body, as socially shaped, is what walks into the counselling or therapy room to seek your help!  It’s not just a right-brain and a left-brain.  The body has stored up the history of the client’s journey through a troubled and unequal world of harsh challenges.  (See in particular, Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory; and Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score.)

That’s all for now.

Best wishes,

Jim

Dr-Jim-Byrne8 (2)Dr Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling

Author, Counsellor and Psychotherapist

https://abc-bookstore.com

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https://abc-counselling.org

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https://ecent-institute.org

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