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Blog Post: 5th May 2024
If you follow the wrong teaching, you will get lost for sure!
A parable by Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling and author of self-help books
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If you have ever felt disappointed or let down by a self-help book, this blog post should help you to understand what went wrong.
Harry, Larry, Gary and Keith built their own life scripts
(or maps of the psycho-social world)
Harry, Larry, Gary and Keith were all born in the same town in England, within days of each other.
They went to adjacent schools. Two of them went on to university, and two went down vocational routes via college and internships.
They all sought love, on the basis of what they had seen going on between their parents, as they were growing up.
And they sought wisdom from different gurus, mostly in the form of self-help books.
Book messages reflect their authors’ lives!
Harry studied ‘The Road Less Travelled’, and ended up living all alone in the woods, wondering why his love relationships had never worked out.
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Larry studied ‘On Becoming a Person’, and ended up in an unhappy marriage, with a strong desire to have sex with younger women; which he felt obliged to share with his wife (who was dying of cancer)!
It didn’t end well for Larry!
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Gary studied ‘A New Guide to Rational Living’, and failed to find love in a stable relationship, and ended his life being kicked out of the boardroom of the company he had founded.
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Keith read all kinds of different self-help books – including ‘Lifestyle Counselling and Coaching for the Whole Person’,
and
‘How to Have a Wonderful, Loving Relationship: Helpful insights for couples and lovers’.
After a couple of false starts, Keith fell in love with Poppy, and they set up their own bookshop, to sell self-help books; because Poppy had also found her way to him via her self-help reading history.
The moral of this story is simple: Make sure you know the kind of guru – or teachings – you are following, or you could end up in a worse place than the one you started from!
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Postscript: The little red book of life guidelines…
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By Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling, and author of self-help books
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Is there one book that could solve all of your problems, for the whole of your life?
Probably not!
If I had one day left to live, and I wanted to write the nearest thing to “the one book” that would solve all your problems, this is what I would write:
- Start by taking responsibility for your life – all of it. Not in the sense of having caused all of your own problems. But certainly in this sense: Nobody is coming on a cuffing white charger to rescue you. If you are going to be “saved” you will have to make the plan yourself, and implement it yourself. Any anger you have been struggling with, against the world and the people who raised you, and the people who surround you, will evaporate.
- Be grateful for small mercies. Make a list, every morning and every evening of the things you can be grateful for. If you do this every day, any depression that has been affecting you will disappear!
- Get out and walk for half and hour each day, preferably near trees or water, or both. Get out earlier rather than later, to get the maximum exposure to sunlight. And get a little trampoline, which you can easily accommodate in your home, and bounce on it for at least five or ten minutes every day. Any anxiety you are prone to suffer from will simply fall out of your life.
- Learn to smile at the problems of life. Write down your problems. Ask yourself: About these problems, which can I control, and which is beyond my control. Learn to take action about those things you can control, and to let go of those things which are beyond your control. And then learn to relax your body, using passive progressive relaxation, or progressive muscle relaxation. Your happiness level will soar.
- Get at least eight or nine hours sleep every night, and, if at all possible, have a 90-minute siesta every afternoon. (If you are desk bound, get your head down on your arms for at least 15 minutes every afternoon). You will begin to remember what it felt like to be a carefree child.
- Avoid all forms of junk food; eat whole foods; at least 50% organic (depending upon your income level). Drink three glasses of water and/or decaf tea and/or fruit juice with each meal. (One before, one with, and one after). Choose a time of day when you can spend extra time in the kitchen, drinking three or four extra glasses or mugs of water. (Always add a little boiling water to your cold-water drinks, to stop very cold water getting to your stomach!)
- Take a range of nutritional supplements, including: A multivitamin and mineral; a B-Complex; two or three grams of Vitamin-C; plus vitamin D3, E, and cod liver oil; and ACV and turmeric. Your health and vitality will soar.
- Get into the habit of keeping a reflective journal…
- Learn how to meditate…
- Study communication skills, and maintain good relationships with a few good friends; one good lover; and any offspring you may have.
- Stop reading, or listening to, the news. It’s bad for your health and happiness.
…
- And come and see me, for the bits I have omitted, before I die and take all my wisdom with me!
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Best wishes,
Jim
Dr Jim Byrne, Doctor of Counselling, and self-help author
PS: See a list of my books (published by me, or co-authored with Renata Taylor-Byrne, my wonderful wife and best friend!)
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Our mothers have the most dramatic effect upon our psychical and mental health, and upon our life chanced. So choose your mother carefully!
Best wishes,
Writers are people who write.
Vasha Popov screwed his little face up, like a well-squeezed dishcloth. He stared into the big, mottled mirror, looking for the echo of his facial contortions. And there it was. This was him. This blue face, with the sad calf eyes and the downturned mouth. And there in the apparent ugliness of his blue face was the evidence, it seemed, of why Mamu did not let him touch her, or speak to her, or get close to her.
Jim
Having spent almost twenty-five years working with counselling clients with some degree of trauma, from childhood or later periods of their lives, I have written my experience up in the form of a low-cost self-help book.
Traumatic memories are painful, and so the vast majority of people are highly reluctant to face them down. To suggest to most people that they should revisit their traumatic memories would seem to be a form of madness; a kind of masochism on the part of the traumatized individual, and a form of sadism on the part of the trauma therapist. Why face up to a dragon when you can hide?!?
This book could help you to resolve some of your own traumatic experiences, or it could help you to help somebody else to recover.
Every day you open the newspapers you will find new examples of childhood trauma, among pop stars, sports celebrities, and the residents of publicly funded children’s homes. It may be that up to sixty or seventy percent of children are traumatized in one form or another – through abuse or neglect – or by witnessing violence or drunkenness or drugged behaviours at home – and this represents a major disadvantage right at the start of life.
ABC Bookstore Online UK 